Monday, July 13, 2009

I was thinking about all of the years I've given to men that weren't worthy. I don't know where it came from. Some of the most random things pop into my head at some of the most random moments. Anyway, I was just thinking about all of the other things I could have devoted that time to. I could have a Master's Degree in any damn thing I so choose. I could have served two presidential terms. I could have done a lot of things. I'm not about to bash men & go on and on about how they're no good and all the usual yadda, yadda, yadda. However, I have no problems bashing the men I've dealt with. I won't call them worthless, but they weren't (and still aren't) worthy of my time. I just don't deal with bullshit well. I think I'm allergic. It's to the point where I'm just like what the fuck! I'm older & smarter (or so I like to think) now & I no longer have time for it.

I guess part of my problem is that I don't want to have to work too hard at it. I believe if a relationship is meant, it doesn't require all the extras. I'm fully aware of the fact that you have to build on it. It doesn't come together already comfortable & seasoned. I just don't want to have to put it all the way together. I want a relationship with very little to no assembly required & since that usually doesn't happen, I want no relationship at all. Having to share my life & space with someone doesn't really sound like much of a good time to me. I'm all for being in love & being happy. I'm all for being married & spending the rest of your life with someone. I'm all for feeling like you have found your "soul mate" & it's the end for you, but damn... how much shit did you have to go through to get there?! I just don't have the patience to do all that. I need a man that lets me if I want to & does it for me if I don't want to... that applies to any & everything. I want a "baby I love you, but get yo ass up & go home" kinda relationship. I don't want all that whispering bullshit in my ear, invading my personal space at every second, calling my phone like a crazed stalker, always all in my drawers, smelling & touching me all the time. It's cute sometimes, but that shit gets annoying & aggravating. I need a submissive but strong man that lets me dictate when & how shit takes place. I hate needy men that always want to be all up under me. That just doesn't work for me. It was cute in high school, but now I'm too old & busy for that bullshit. Let me breathe & we'll be ok.

I'm very bitchy at times without warning & I need that to be understood & accepted. I'm not the type that's prone to just spaz out on somebody for no reason, but I do have my days when I don't want to be bothered. Maybe if I ever get in a relationship I won't feel that way, but I'm asking too damn much and refuse to lower my expectations. I won't compromise. I've spent so much time... so many years I'll never get back... doing whatever to make sure my man was taken care of & happy & satisfied -- even if that meant doing shit that made me slightly miserable or left me out of the equation completely. I'm no longer putting other people before me. I'm so over that shit. I'm too grown to be that dumb now. I had to learn that shit the loooooooooooong, hard way. I'll never do it again! He's mad, but he can kiss my ass. I'on give a fuck... shit is funny actually.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Not a lot of running around today. A whole lot of driving to get to one destination. I don't care if I don't drive again for the next month. One word: EXHAUSTION!! I'm about to hop in the bed & let Trey Songz put me to sleep. I'm about to listen to Anticipation for those with a nasty mind. If you don't have it please download it. It's so worth it... my new favorite album/mixtape. Nite Nite.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

So, I'm uber sad about MJ. At first it wasn't as depressing as it is since the memorial. His daughter was so... it's so hard to put into words the devastation that little girl was feeling. It breaks my heart. I weep for her & pray for much needed strength for that family. Whew.

Less depressing ===>Osama Bin Loon! What in the name of all things bean pied & turban covered?? Who told Loon that shit was funny?? He so can not be serious about the level of "uh uh" he's on right now. I don't want to make fun of any one's religious preferences, so I'm making fun of him. That's just a mess that I prefer to be through with. Loon... yeah whatever, I can't.

A very productive day. I accomplished EVERYTHING I set out to accomplish. That's so atypical of me, so I'm very proud. 26 years later & I still have no idea who I am. I know what I want to be & the things I want to accomplish, but overall I'm still getting to know the chic that looks back at me every single day. It's amazing how you can spend your whole life with someone & not know who they are. They say you never really know someone. I guess that saying holds true for yourself as well. I definitely need to make time to learn myself. I think I may have a deep fear that I won't like who I see. Though I feel change is very necessary, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life & I don't want to. Man, why does life have to be so complex? Ugh, I'm going nite-nite. This is making my head hurt. Thinking -- so fundamental, such a pain in the ass.

12:52 PM

Over at Sandrarose.com (temporary moment of insanity) & I was a little disgusted but not surprised at her re-posting a story she got from some tabloid questioning the authenticity of MJ's daughter's speech at his memorial yesterday <==damn, that's a long, rambling sentence! So there were no tears in the stills captured from the speech. SO WHAT! I'm sure almost everyone in this world has "dry cried" at least once in their life. You can only cry so much before you "run out of tears". Not to mention the fact that the little darling probably isn't eating or drinking as much as she should be. Dehydration makes it hard to produce tears, sweat, etc. Leave that poor little girl alone. She lost her daddy. Allow her to grieve any way she needs to. It's bad enough she has to do it publicly. People called MJ crazy for having his kids wear masks when they were out in public. This is the very reason he was that way. The children were on camera for all of 5 minutes & their faces are all over every magazine, newspaper, & shitty tabloid. Some people are just plain jackasses that have no hearts.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

So, today I'm menstrual & I really don't feel like being bothered. I'm bloated & craving sweets & sodas, so I'm gaining hella weight. I'm in a bitchy mood. I'm feeling real pissy & I don't want to be bothered with anybody. Why do we have to go through this?! Why don't men have to go through this kind of shit?? Seriously, I believe it should have originally been intended for them. It's a MENstrual cycle. They get off so easy & do the least amount of shit. They are irresponsible in general & they don't have to stick around to clean up any "messes" they cause. Ain't that some unfair bullshit! I love being a woman because I think we really hold all the power, but I hate some of the things our bodies put us through. Without us men would be absolutely nothing & they know that that's why they all want so many. They have a fear of disappearing without us. Ha... funny. This particular post will be short & not-so-sweet, because like I said I'm just not in the mood. Maybe tomorrow I won't be so bitchy & I'll be more welcoming. Nite nite.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Today has been pretty quiet. There really isn't a lot going on in the world of entertainment or news for that matter (except the serial killer in SC, but I'm not even about to speak on that. People are crazy). I think people put a lot of emphasis of what celebrities do & how they do it & when they do it & why they do it & who they do it with. I'm so over it. Celebs get so full of themselves that it just gets on my nerves. Everybody wants to be famous. It's really very annoying. You know, I hate it when I am really a fan of someone & it turns out that they aren't at all who they say they are. I don't mean I like a song or two or a movie or two. I mean when I really love everything thing they do & I'm down to support anything they stand behind. I don't like big heads. Celebs are so quick to make the statement that they're just like you, and I'm all for that because I believe that. It's when they start to think they're superstars & icons & legends that gets under my skin. Especially when no one else sees it that way. Seriously, are you forreal?? Don't get me started on the groupies that don't consider themselves groupies & then wannabe's. OMG... you aren't so just get over yourself. People only know who you are because somebody else said your name once or twice. You just talk and run your mouth & that's it. Everyone has something to say sometimes. What makes you think the fact that you can talk or type makes you a "celebrity"? Child please, nobody knows you honey. Then there's Twitter. Who in the hell came up with Twitter (yes, I have an account -- oh the shame)?! That's just another way for these people to inflate their images & blow up their own heads. Suddenly their followers have become fans. What?! Oh please. They follow you because they're hoping you'll follow back. Just like you, it looks good to them when they have 100,000 followers -- it's nothing more, it's nothing less. You're but a means to an end. Just like you're using them, they're using you. They're not fans sweetheart, they're vultures. They fishing for your followers just like you're fishing for fame.

With that being said ladies & gentlemen... I'm far beyond being too through!