Monday, July 13, 2009

Monday, July 13, 2009

I was thinking about all of the years I've given to men that weren't worthy. I don't know where it came from. Some of the most random things pop into my head at some of the most random moments. Anyway, I was just thinking about all of the other things I could have devoted that time to. I could have a Master's Degree in any damn thing I so choose. I could have served two presidential terms. I could have done a lot of things. I'm not about to bash men & go on and on about how they're no good and all the usual yadda, yadda, yadda. However, I have no problems bashing the men I've dealt with. I won't call them worthless, but they weren't (and still aren't) worthy of my time. I just don't deal with bullshit well. I think I'm allergic. It's to the point where I'm just like what the fuck! I'm older & smarter (or so I like to think) now & I no longer have time for it.

I guess part of my problem is that I don't want to have to work too hard at it. I believe if a relationship is meant, it doesn't require all the extras. I'm fully aware of the fact that you have to build on it. It doesn't come together already comfortable & seasoned. I just don't want to have to put it all the way together. I want a relationship with very little to no assembly required & since that usually doesn't happen, I want no relationship at all. Having to share my life & space with someone doesn't really sound like much of a good time to me. I'm all for being in love & being happy. I'm all for being married & spending the rest of your life with someone. I'm all for feeling like you have found your "soul mate" & it's the end for you, but damn... how much shit did you have to go through to get there?! I just don't have the patience to do all that. I need a man that lets me if I want to & does it for me if I don't want to... that applies to any & everything. I want a "baby I love you, but get yo ass up & go home" kinda relationship. I don't want all that whispering bullshit in my ear, invading my personal space at every second, calling my phone like a crazed stalker, always all in my drawers, smelling & touching me all the time. It's cute sometimes, but that shit gets annoying & aggravating. I need a submissive but strong man that lets me dictate when & how shit takes place. I hate needy men that always want to be all up under me. That just doesn't work for me. It was cute in high school, but now I'm too old & busy for that bullshit. Let me breathe & we'll be ok.

I'm very bitchy at times without warning & I need that to be understood & accepted. I'm not the type that's prone to just spaz out on somebody for no reason, but I do have my days when I don't want to be bothered. Maybe if I ever get in a relationship I won't feel that way, but I'm asking too damn much and refuse to lower my expectations. I won't compromise. I've spent so much time... so many years I'll never get back... doing whatever to make sure my man was taken care of & happy & satisfied -- even if that meant doing shit that made me slightly miserable or left me out of the equation completely. I'm no longer putting other people before me. I'm so over that shit. I'm too grown to be that dumb now. I had to learn that shit the loooooooooooong, hard way. I'll never do it again! He's mad, but he can kiss my ass. I'on give a fuck... shit is funny actually.

1 comment:

  1. Lol @ "couldve served two Presidential terms" u silly..
    But why do I feel u like 100% on this... Dont even think twice about lowering ur standards, cuz the minute u do that u start questioning ur actual worth and will eventually settle for less. U seem very intellectual and articulate by these posts and shouldn't have to have a man that's anything less than a gentleman. U deserve better, even if it mean waitin an extra 5 yrs to find him.. Just hold out cuz it'll be worth it in the end :)